The stories of my life

From the coach to my first Marathon (half triathlon series)

2012-01-28T22:16:00.000-08:00

Six months ago a physiotherapist told me that the best way totrain for a marathon was doing triathlons. And that, added to the fact that Iboke my hip, made me make a turn towards triathlon training style. Which is more of a LIFE style.

New Zealand, in my mind, is the capital of the world forTriathlons. There is something for everybody all year round! Its AMAZING! So Istarted my journey towards being able to do my first triathlon.

Challenges of a triathlon? You need lots of stuff. What kindof stuff? Different type of stuff, support, money, trainers, an ocean or riveror lake, somewhere to bike, a bike, bike shoes, wetsuit, a car to transport thebike, money to enter the races, a special diet and lots of determination. Theyare HARD!

So having said that you might understand why it took me 6months to do my first half triathlon. Iwould, even, start counting, since Mexico, where I wanted to do one, but only hadthe bike and the shoes for bike, but no ocean and no determination.

Anyway, to make a long story short, lots of people and thingshad to happen in my life in order for me to make it to my first half triathlon.Emiliano had to loan me his bike, Elisa had to teach me how to use clips andtake me riding in Mexico City during the weekends, I had to move to New Zealand, Mike had to get me a wetsuitfor Xmas and some awesome running shoes, Jo and to lend me her bike and teachme how to use the gears, Rebecca had to want to come swimming with me in theocean and the lake to gain security and confidence, Luis Madrazo had to cheer me on via Facebook and do an Ironman to inspire the heel out of me, my mother had to believe inme, Mike had to take me to my first “novice” triathlon to see if I fit on thebike, and could put the wet suit on, Mike had to go with me and help me carrythe bike with his car ... the list goes on and on.

Anyway, six months later I managed to do my frist SprintTriathlon and I could not be more greatful with everybody and everything that happen in this world, in order for me to experience it!

How was it? Hard! I had to use every single piece of inspiration, information and training tool to push through, Luis's example, Elisa txt telling me to remember to enjoy it, Jo's instruction of how to use the gears, Mikes face at transition, all my moms words of advice and all the determination I now I have in me to PUSH! I did it! and I loved It! Thanks to everyone ... go me!

TURNING 30

2012-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

Not using lip gloss anymore, don't watch MTV while I am taking a shower or working on my computer, don’t like cheap dangly earing’s, make a consciouseffort to not lie to myself about anything!, found a genre of books I like toread and have payed, for the first time, for a dermatologist to tell me I haveto wear 100 spf sunblock every day. These are amongst some of the things I have seen that have changed inmy life in the past years. Things that have made, turning 30 very enlightening.I thought I was always going to wear and like lip gloss.

I am more confortable being silly and have no problemlaughing out load, still love dancing to pop music like it was the lastday of my life and rom-coms make me very happy. Still have not figured out the way to make lots and lots of money and have not managed to buy my first house. I know I am shit with credit cards and I should never be let near one, I think cake is a great excuse to eat the icing.

Thirty is a big deal.I am not a young adult anymore, I am a full blown ADULT. I thought I would like beer and wine by now, but no. And I am very happy with the fact that I don't have any children nor want them at this time in my life.

Its all been awesome and I thank EVERYTHING that has happened in my life, the good, the bad and the ugly that has brought me to the exact place where I am today and just wanted to share.

The amazing gluten free, home made icing, colorful like I like it, chocolate birthday cake!!

Responsibility that comes with reaching your goals.

2012-01-08T13:41:00.000-08:00

Is there a responsibility once you reach your goals? I think ... YES!

The first thing that comes to mind is: “Wow! I have reachedmy goals for 2011 and I am fully focused to reaching my goals for 2012”. Butthe thing that has been looping in my head is: Why do I suddenly feel theimpulse to feel superior? >:/ Which in my mind is, by far an epic fail.

Let me illustrate.

I have managed to create a diet that’s 80% all fruits,vegetables and raw unsalted nuts. 15% made-from scratch food and 5% processed foods. I read all thelabels, and take a lot of time and effort in what I eat and how I feel. I makemy own lunch everyday and rarely eat on the street. And I have been doing this consistentlyfor the past 10 months.

I don’t eat anything with wheat, soy or nitrate in it. Thesethree things take 90% off all proceeds foods out of my diet, including ham,bacon and sausages. I drink 3 glasses of wine a week, don’t drink coffee orsoft drinks or any kind of drinks that aren’t natural, home-made, fruit juicesand have two liters of water everyday. I am losing weight and feeling amazing.I do exercises 6 days a week and I am training to do my first triathlon and myfirst marathon.

I am very proud ofthis, because it’s definitely a leap from my diet last year. It’s a 10kg leapfrom last year, to be exact.

The challenge? And the reason I am writing this blog post?

Why do I think I have the right to think or feel that peoplethat don’t have their diet and health as their absolute highest value are wrongor doing something bad?

Where is that compassionate side of me that understands thatnot everybody feels, thinks or acts in the same way? Where is that Natalia thathas worked for the past three years as hard as she can, in pushing herself toforgive herself for not reaching her goals, and being week with temptations? Why, all of a sudden, peoplethat eat proceeds foods are guilty of something. Something I am not even surewhat it is.

What’s the point in reaching your goals if you cant becompassionate and grateful?

What I am trying to say (as note to self) is that I wish for2012 that I always remember thatreaching this health goal wasn’t a one-man-show. And that I have had arealization that without Mike, Jo, my mom, Istvan, Emiliano, Alejandra,Esteban, Fabiola, Claudia, ESP and the government of New Zealand, IWOULD NOT HAVE REACHED MY GOALS!

I say that in the loudest, most exciting voicepossible! Because that’s the person Iwant to be, not the person that judges everything around her with an air ofsuperiority about something that is still a work in progress for me!

Anyway, I am a work in progress and yei for me having this blog to express my success and my failures!

From the couch to my first Marathon (part: 2012 goals)

2012-01-03T00:24:00.000-08:00

So … my path to my first marathon. Some history: started running on March 22nd of2011, the week I arrived in New Zealand. Had an interesting year, it has beennothing less than action packed.

I suffered from a hip stress fracture and a strained foot, which kept me off running for 4 months, months in which I decided to take up swimming. Myfoot doctor told me that the best way to train for a marathon was by doing triathlons. So I decided to start training for triathlons. I have all the gear! Mike’s sister lentme her kick-ass road bike, bout my bike clip shoes on Boxing Day sale. I got mywet suit and bathing suit for Christmas and some amazing running shoes. I joined a Triathlons Squad. I have startedtraining for open water swim (the scariest thing I have done in the past years).I joined a pool and have a full gym membership for the best gym in New Zealand,thanks to the benefits of working at New Zealand Institute of Sport. I seem tohave all the resources to reach my fitness/health/sport goals for 2012.

My goals for 2012: Do at least one full triathlon, a fullmarathon and weigh 59kgs. Will I make it? Who knows! But I will keep the eyeson the prize, keep pushing until I do and keep you all postd in the process.

Dates:

Full triathlon March 25^th

Full Marathon: 28 October.

Here are some shots of me at it :)

What's important for me

2011-12-27T18:17:00.000-08:00

It is December 28^th,2011. I am sitting on the dinner table of Mikes parents summer, Lake Taupo,batch. In the back, is Mike resting on the couch reading a book he startedtoday and is already half way through it. On the other corner is Pete, Mike’sdad, doing the crossword puzzle. His mom is having a cup of tea in her room.Jo, Mikes sister, is on the deck table doing the Sudoku with her partnerJohnny, who is reading a book that challenges the global warming theory of AlGore. We are all on our Xmas, summer, New Years vacation.

Last year on this exact same dayI was in Bacalar, Mexico. The most beautiful lake I have ever seen. Iwent there because I had had one of the most challenging years of my life:2010. And with out much planning I decided to get out of the city and into myheart. So I spent 10 challenging days here on my own.

In a nut-shell, 2010: I hadmanaged to get into a 50,000 us dollar debt with several different entitiesincluding, people, American express, an executive success program, my apartmentland owner, my maid, my car dealership, my roommate and some friends. I gained12kg, and was in a job I absolutely loved, a non-violent movement, but couldnot find a way for them to pay me for it. Not earning, nearly enough money tolive like I wanted to, save and pay off my debt.

Whilst my mother living in NewZealand, and me trying to survive in a city where you had to watch your back 24/7for random expresses kidnappings or worst.

I felt I had to make some very toughchoices, and quick! That American Express interest on my debt was not beingvery forgiving, and everyday counted! Literally in pennies and cents.

I had to evaluate what was reallymore important for me, changing my country through a non-violent movement, paying my debt, living with my mom,keep pushing the odds, and proving to everybody/myself that I could make it on my own in Mexico City,whilst losing weight and being classy, glamour’s, intelligent, witty, calm andcollected. Or ask for help and have to decide what was first on the list of survival ofthe fittest?

In my mind: this was way too much for me tohandle. Had a minor/ mayor panic attacked that was the first stepping stone toget me where I am now: At Mikes’ parents summer bach in Lake Taupo having thetime of my life.

This blog post is inspired by a photo I saw on Facebooktoday that says:

It got me thinking of the things I had to sacrifice thisyear and the things I have not stopped fighting for.

I had to sacrifice being close toESP (a personal development program, that is one of the dearest things to myheart), some very, very special relationships I have in Mexico City, that wereonly helping me get closer to the kind of person I want to become and Inlakech(a non-violent movement that is going to change Mexico City and with it, theworld.)

The things I decided to fight forand managed to nail, where: my health, the equation of less expenses and moreincome, to pay of my overwhelming debt, spend as much time as I can with mymother in a compassionate, loving and honest way, and follow my heart to bewith a man that felt absolutely right from the beginning.

These were the thingsthat were a top priority for me and I have conquered them. Lost the weight,payed my debt, on month 10 of my relationship with Mike, have amazing newstories of the time I have spent with my mom in New Zealand, including anamazing, memorable Christmas Eve dinner, and Christmas day lunch and a peace ofmind that is of someone that hasfollowed her heart in the most compassionate way she could, for the past 12months.

Does this mean that ESP andInlakech and Emiliano, Claudia, Ceci, Alejandra, Farouk, Lauren, Michelle, Ben, Esteban, Monica, Clare, Vweek, Anable, Juan, Michel, Enrique, dancing and Maria are notimportant for me? That I made an excuse to not fight for these ideals/relationships? I think not. I think the choices I made this year brought mecloser to who I really am, and by doing that, it brought me closer to them.

Late night love letter

2011-12-01T00:45:00.001-08:00

I dont mean to get all sentimental and emotional on you but, I am sooo happy. Just thinking where I was one year ago, I cant believe how much my life has changed. And just by following my heart to this beautiful place.

Last year I was alone and so scared. In debt out of my mind, not earning money and working 16 hour days to make ends meet (and they were not meeting :/). With out my mom, with 12 kgs over weight and a broken heart from having dealt with way to many doush-heads. And knowing me as much as you do ... imagine me in that equation :/

I cant start to explain how grateful I am to Istvan. For having moved into this house, having you as neighbor and having brought my mom to him. With out those choices, I am not sure we would have met and where I would be, but you know what? Who cares!!!! Because landing on your front door has been one of the most amazing things that has happened to me in the past 10 years, at least.

There isn't much more I could ask for and OMG, our three week trip just blows my mind!!! You, your amazing family, Christmas, sun, heat, cooking and sleeping!!! And knowing I am going on that trip and coming back to my dream job!!! It feels amazing and so overwhelming.

Any way mi amor, wanted to share what is going through my head/heart these days.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i hope you are enjoying life as much I am and that you liked my story xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you get more kisses today xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

special moment

2011-11-25T14:37:00.001-08:00

Reading out loud, drinking some lemon, honey, ginger tea (my favorite) in the most comfortable couch in the best apartment in town, with the most breathtaking view, on my own, keeping my injured foot up with a hot beanie bag on it. Special moment, and I thought I should document it.

dont know were the effects will go

2011-11-23T19:14:00.001-08:00

not Not sure the decision about not going to work for this week was a smart choice :/ One part of me thinks my foot would have been fine, but another thinks it would have taken ages to heel and for some reason right now my priority is that my foot heels ASAP. Its like if I cant work out I might as well not do anything else, but I am starting to think its the wrong approach. I still have some debt to pay and not sure this fary tale life is going to last for ever. On the upside, I have deiced to start saving 25 dollars a month. Will do this for a year and then see what happens.Another good choice I made today was to get back on the fruits and vegetable diet. Cant gain back the weight. okbye

Stay inspired

2011-11-07T14:13:00.000-08:00

The grueling truth about my life with sports: I love it thefirst bit when I have lots of energy, ideas and spirit, then all that startsfading away. It usually happens at some mid point of reaching a goal orstarting to fail. WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going into month 10 of this Marathon goal of mine. Lotshas happened, I ran my first 10k in a professional race, with a number andeverything. I got an amazing running partner, I ran 17kms (this being mylongest distance), I did a hot yoga challenge and did 40 classes of yoga in 30days, I lost 9kgs and I fractured my hip.

Here is where the funny business starts. After the 3 monthabsence from running, I am know allowed to start again and WHOLLY SHIT has itbeen hard. Yesterday I ran my first 30 minutes and I thought I was going to diefor the whole 30 minutes.

But I am determined to do this stupid marathon to prove tomyself that I can also walk the walk. So what are some ideas that have helpedme not through the towl again??

Joined a group
Signed up for a swim run race with very short distances inthe very near future.
Contacted a personal trainer to look at options.
Have asked for the fanciest sport watch for Christmas
Have sighed up for Women’s Health magazine.
Went to the podiatrist again.
Went to the nutritionist again.
Went to the finish line of the Auckland Marathon to see the1^st womens place break her own record.
Bought some awesome new running socks.
I think a lot about people that inspire me to run like my friendLuis Madrazo who just did his first Iron Man, Alejandra Gonzalez, who justfinished being the Choreography Director of the Pan-American Games inGuadalajara, Mexico and is a professional dancer. Think of people like this andthink if they would stay in bed, or would they go out and train like their lifedepended on it.

I know its going to be harder and as it gets easier, the trainingis going to get harder, but I really do want to do this, for myself. To proveto myself that I am what I do and not what I say I think I want to do.

Here are two webpages I look for for info and motivation, hope they can help you too:

http://www.ultramarathonman.com/web/

http://www.runnersworldonline.com.au/

Wish you all a great journey through your goals and muchkindness to yourself in the process.

my life in bullet points

2011-11-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

Hi blog!! I have not written much in the past few weeks butthat does not mean that nothing has happened. There has been a bit ofeverything, crying, failure, information, learning, trips, love andamazingness.

In a nut shell and in weird looking bullet-points, here goes:

Gotmy visa approved
Gota shit job
Quitmy shit job
Criedin the mean time
Felloff the diet wagon while I cried because of my shit job.
Wenton a beautiful 4 day trip to Auckland with Mike and Oh my God! I am so in love.

Mymother and her husband are in Cambodia and I have not burnt the house down,which is good.
Appliedfor more jobs.
Havegone to see 6 recruitment agencies.
Havegot nothing yet. But very hopeful, will keep you posted.
Starteda 30 day weight lifting mini program at home, by myself and today was day ONE!Wish me luck.
Havenot gained any weight, yet, thank God!
Stillre-training myself to run a marathon. Eyes on the prize!

Learnedthat you don’t have to work hard, you have to work smart! Very valuable lesson.
Havingfun shaping my life just like I want to shape it!

Ok, see you all soon

BYE!

After liver detox diet

2011-10-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

Finished my liver detox diet. 31 days with only fruits, vegetables, flex oil, herbs, agave syrup and greek yogurt. The hardest days were the last 4, strong diarrhea and very cold and tired and PARANOID of gaining 10 kgs in a week (like what happened to me on my last cleanse “idea” in March of 2010).

Have lost 1.5 kgs and my cloths are feeling much more comfortable, my skin is amazing and I am slowly re introducing meats and corn back into my diet. I think I will stay without dairy and wheat for a bit longer. Still want to loose another 2.5 kgs so, will keep at it until that happens.

I highly recommend this detox if you have the time, discipline and money for all the fruit and vegetables necessary to keep it up and to do it through a naturopath or nutriologist to guide you through it.

Well done me and will keep you posted in case i gain 10 kg’s in a week, which would have ment that I failed at this, again!

This photo is when I was 71kg and had just arrived in NZ.

And now, 9 months later I am 61 kg and my jeans fit beautifully! I am happy camper.

Mi primera historia de amor

2011-09-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

El primer hombre que me dijo que se queria casar conmigo, se va a casar y yo siento que alguien me tackleo al piso y saco todo el aire. ¿Pppoooorrr? No estoy segura! No tiene mucho sentido porque tenemos muy pocas cosas en comun y fue hace 12 anios, pero una parte hace todo el sentido del mundo ya que nos une una gran historia de amor.

Fue la primera persona que me dijo que me amaba y que quería pasar el resto de su vida conmigo. Me pasé días llorando por él cuando me mude a Vancouver y me mudé a México de regreso por que pensé que mi vida no tenía sentido sin él. Estábamos perdidamente enamorados uno del otro. Me iba a convertir en judia y ya estaba todo planeado. El primero y el ultimo con el que me deje ir como gorda en tobogan con el amor. Nunca mas me atrevi a dejarme ir asi con alguien.

El romance duro dos anios muy intensos y llenos de aprendizajes, memorias, historias, cartas y fotos. Se me hace que eso es lo que siento, que ahora que se casara, todas esas historias, memorias, cartas y fotos seran borradas para siempre del mundo. Pero la buena noticia es q estaran guardadas bajo llave en mi corazon. Esas memorias y esos aprendizajes son mios y NO SE LOS DOY A NADIE. They mean the world to me. Uff! Ahora que medio entiendo eso se me empieza a regresar el aire al pecho. Bendito entender poco a poco que, todo lo que he vivido es mio y estara en mi para siempre.

Les deseo todo lo mejor, ella es una campeona por conquistar a un gran hombre.

The end of one thing is the beggining of something else

2011-09-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps! How are you?

In case you were wondering how it went with the yoga challenge, I DID IT!! so a big hoot hoot hoot for me and my 30 classes of hot yoga in 40 days!! I found out a lot of things about me and I fell in love with Hot Yoga! I am probably going to keep on doing it three times a week for as long as I can.

One of the many things that came as an effect of this yoga challenge, was I found out I have a liver problem and just came out of the dr. Will start a liver 3 week detox diet to get all my new weirdo symptoms out of the way (headaches, fatigue, yellow skin, nausea).

Here the PET of my last day of my yoga challenge and my PET of the beginning of my liver detox diet. Will let you know the PET of the end of the liver detox diet in three weeks.

Wish me luck!!!

AFTER THE YOGA CHALLENGE:

PHYSICAL:

I weigh 63 kg

Have more core strength

Eating 1400 calories a day on average

No more fractured hip :)

Stronger arms and legs

Yellowish skin tone

Very tired

Weird headaches

Low energy levels

EMOTIONAL

Excited that I finished in a successful way.

The last week was much harder because I started feeling really tired, getting weird headaches and looking very yellow.

Happy that it helped my stress fracture and that I was responsible with that.

Happy that I did not get another injury during this challenge.

THOUGHT

I think I kicked ass because 70 people started the challenge and only 12 finished it, including me!

I know that I can do a yoga challenge and be consistent with sport activity.

Happy to have started on my running program and know will only be doing yoga 3 times a week.

NEXT STEP:

yoga 3 times a week

running 3 times a week

swimming twice a week

starting a liver cleanse for three weeks.

PET BEGINNING LIVER DETOX DIET

PHYSICAL

Pale skin

headaches

low energy

lots of burping and farting

bloated

not loosing weight
63 kg

EMOTIONAL

Scared of scaring Michael away with my body obsession and know this weird detox diet.

Scared of indulging in sugars that I am not supposed to on a week moment.

Excited of cleansing my liver, and loosing my 3 kg that I need to be in my ideal weight.

Happy to know that I am not far away from a very healthy diet.

THOUGHT

I think this will be easy for me as long as I don't suffer too much about it with Michael.

Michelito at a yoga retreat we did together and I will never forget

My beautiful favorite yoga teacher Ana Desvinges

Me upside down

Me at Juan Jeronimo's yoga class, another of my favorite yoga teacher

My Split

My beautiful cousin at the Addidas Yoga Convention

Me upside down again!

Marathon Goal update (part 8)

2011-09-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

NUMBERS OF MY MARATHON GOAL, SO FAR:

Part 8 of my blog series of writing about my road to my first marathon
Month 7 since I decided to set it as a goal.
Week 12 of not running due to a hip stress fracture - That happened because I did too much too fast and a hormone unbalance that affects my bone strength, so said my Dr.
Farthest distance: 17 kms
Races so far: one 10km. race

OBJECTIVE: (why am I doing this)

to build consistency and grit through making it to a marathon

ACTUAL STATE:

Was given the Ok by my doctor to get back on my running shoes. When I said that on my last marathon post I still had my stress fracture and my dr. had not told me to get back running, it was done with no info and in bad timing.

I am on a struct plan to be able to make it to the marathon without any other injuries. I saw a Podiatrist (Podiatry is a branch of medicine devoted to the study, diagnosis, and treatment of disorders of the foot, ankle, and lower leg. according to wikipedia). She saw me run barefoot, and with my running shoes, told me my weaknesses and my strengths.

Weaknesses: I need to lift my heels up more when I run, I need more strength in my core, need to start slow due to my injury.

Strengths: flexibility, consistency with cross training, follow direction well and coordinated. She said it look promising and that I had potential to be a great runner :)

PLAN FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS:

Running every other day on grass: Walking for 9 minutes and running for 1, keeping in mind to think tall, easy and light on the feet, keep chest up and hips inward. Elbows back, don't over-stride and over extend the foot and knee, heels up and toes down.

Do this for two weeks and go back to see her. Do not use my running shoes for anything else but running.

CROSS TRAINING AND DIET:

Swimming for 1 hour and hot yoga for 1 hour 5 days a week. Still have 2 weeks of doing hot yoga 5 times a week. Then it will be more cycling, running and swimming. Diet is keeping it under 1300 calories a day, very well hydrated and sleep 8 hours a day.

Thinking about seeing a ayurvedsta, but still evaluating that.

So thats that, keep pushing through rain, shine or snow, suffering, injury, and anything else that wants to get in the way.

Marathon: I will meet you eye to eye.

Thank you fear

2011-09-06T22:43:00.000-07:00

Feeling very scared, acting it out as anger, with a broken and fragile heart, being in more debt than I could even count in my head, being 13 kilos over weight, making most of the worst decisions of my life and some of the best was how I spent my year 2010.

After a lonely new years in Bacalar, Mexico to receive 2011, I touched rock bottom. Dicember 29th I received two phone calls that would make me turn my life into something very different as I knew it. One phone call was from my mentor and one of the persons that I admired and feard the most, asking me to think if I really wanted to be helped and really wanted to be there. And another phone call from Amercian Express asking me when I was going to pay the thousands of dollars I owed and had NO way of paying.

Scared out of my mind, I called the only person that I knew could take me out of that dark place, my mom. I had decided to ask for help and get out of such an exposed and vulnerable, helpless place.

Three months later I was all packed and ready to head over to New Zealand. To be helped with my debt and willing to build my patrimony and my health from the ground up, from the safety-ness and comfort of home.

It was also the year where I decided to spend time with some amazing people, i build some of the most important relationships I will have in my life. Met some of the people that would be the most influential people in my life. Like my very personal Forbes Magazine Most Influential People of MY life list.

Being poor, in debt and alone has been one of the worst feelings I have had, ever! I was/am willing to make the most out of it.

Today I have been 9 months workless and penny-less, also 9 months of being in a much less stressing type of debt. My agreements are settled and none of it is to American Express. I spend every moment of inspiration and of not so inspiration structuring my plan to accomplish my future life and my real dreams. Thinking what I really want for myself. I put in all my emotional strength to be honest every time I say or think something and to be very compassionate with myself every time I say or do something that generates violence in my life and the system I affect.

I still cant work, and I cant save money, yet. But I have a plan and I have a next step, not sure if they will work, but wont stop until I achieve what I want. I am not as connected with my fears, but I am willing to go back there from a safer place once I have started working and have the money up front. ESP i will be back.

I have been in a loving, honest and compassionate relationship for the past 6 months and I have decided to spend as much time with my mother and her husband as possible. I have decided to focus on my health and my body. I do 11 hours of exercise a week and eat under 1,300 calories a day, I have lost 8 kg.

I have promised to forgive myself every time i do something where I prefer to punish myself. I don't waste money on things that are not body and health related. I have stopped blaming anybody for what happened to me and every day I think of everything that makes me beautiful, with my flaws and all.

Thank you FEAR for bringing me to where I am now.

to be continued ...

PET of my yoga/swim challenge

2011-08-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

PET stands for physical, emotional and thought. Its a way I learned in ESP of describing stuff and being more precise in measuring things. Because we all know that if we are not measuring ourselves and the things we do, its kind of pointless. And for somebody like me, that lacks precision, this is a mayor breakthrough!

Why am I telling you this? Because yesterday I started my forty day yoga/swim/recovery challenge. Saw the physio last week and she said I can not start running yet. I have a hip fracture and need four more weeks. She recommend swim jogging, yoga and bike. So that is exactly what I am going to do.

I thought it would be a good idea to do a PET before, half way through and after my challenge.

So here goes:

BEFORE STARTING THE CHALLENGE:

PHYSICAL:

I weigh 62.5 kg

Lack of strength in my upper body and ass

Eating 1000 calories a day on average

Fractured hip

EMOTIONAL

Scared about having to commit for 40 days to doing yoga and swimming for 5 days a week for the next 4 weeks. Have never done exercise for 40 days in a row.

Angry that I cant run and that I had to cancell the three races I had sighned up for.

Scared of getting another inyury at yoga

THOUGHT

I think I will never be able to run a marathon at this pace

I think I am doing the right thing by keeping up with the next steps and keeping in mind my goal, which is to run a marathon before my 30th birthday on January 29th, 2011. Not sure I will be able to pull it off.
Thinking I will invite my mom to come swimming some days so its not so boring.
I think I have to go out of town for two fo those days and don't know what I am going to do.

ok, bye!
and good luck to me!

this represents how my stomach feels inside as I start this 40 day thing ... u get me don't you?

running shoes back ON!! (marathon path part 7)

2011-08-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today I ran 5kms after 6 weeks bed rest due to my pelvis injury. The doctor has NOT told me I can go back running, but she did say once that its pretty much common sense, "if it hurts, dont do it, if it does not hurt, do it" and running no longer hurts so I gave it a go and it felt GREAT!!! I have a 10km race in two weeks so hopefully I can push push push to make it. The goal of the marathon in October is still on. I have an appointment with my physio on Friday and I cant wait to hear what she has to say about my plan.

Any way just wanted to let you all know that my path towards the marathon is still on and I am still pushing my fat, flabby, awesome self on to that 42kms finish line.

me during my break and trip to the South Island last week

Calibrating (part 6)

2011-07-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

It’s been 16 days without any excersie, which means no marathon trainning. One general doctor, one sports doctor and two physiotherapist later, I am still in bed rest.

So besides being workless, I am also without being able to exercise. Double bumer. This causes me to have to be very creative to keep my mind off useless imaginary pointless suffery stories.

I have read, watched TV, I go into town a couple of times a week for short periods of time, spend time with my mom and my boyfriend, babysit two adorable boys for a couple of hours a day, and have high and low moments through out each day.

I see my life from a viewers perspective, in third person and think "that person (me) must have died and gone to heaven". But then, for the past two days I have felt moody, grumpy and emotional. Trying to rationalize my way out of it, but not being very successful. Why? Why if I am having a fairytale lifestyle am I still moody, grumpy and emotional? Am I bored? Entitled? Spoiled? Ungrateful? Myopic? All of the above? Well I think I am all of the above in one way or another. Am I a bad person for being all these things? For not being able to keep it together? don't think so. Does it mean I loose track of what is important? Kind of.

Concluision: Its time for me to pull out my compassionate wand and go "abra cadabra cutie putunie of me". Its ok, to feel all those things, recognize it, change states, get back on the sadle and SMILE!!!

So that’s the update to my road to my marathon. Pushing, failing and calibrating.

Why I get obsessed with things, like running for example (PART 5)

2011-06-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty obsessive personality. I think I need to be hooked on something or my life is not worth living. Usually this is when working is really useful. I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs, so the next best thing to be addicted to is working, working out/dieting and spending money. Which are my top three options usually.

When I moved to Wellington and saw that working was going to take a bit longer than I thought, and that it didn’t make much sense to invest money in much things, considering the lack of it, I needed to come up with a plan. I could see very clearly how I was going to drive my mom, my boyfriend and myself crazy if I didn’t come up with something fast.

I have always thought that running was a very accessible sport. Not to expensive, you can do it anywhere and the Internet is full of beginners self trained plans. Considering my circumstances, thought running was an amazing idea to get into a routine, without spending much money and could do everyday, no matter how much it rained, snowed, or homesick I got.

This week, I had to stop running, I tore a tendon. And as planned, I am on day 7 of rest and I am going crazy. My tolerance is down to a pebble and I am starting to lose it fast.

Plan? Tomorrow going to a Sports Doctors Clinic to get some people to tell me what to do, so I can get back into my running shoes ASAP. And, the always good idea of being compassionate with myself, connect with what really is bothering me and stop blaming everything else for the choices I have made. Funny how obsessions work.

A photo of me baking yesterday, carrot cake cupcakes. Last attempt to not go crazy without being able to walk on day 6 of rest plan. Hence the bandana on my head (evidence of me starting to loose it)

14 WEEKS UNTIL MARATHON WEEK (PART 4) Slow, fat and flabby

2011-06-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Not quite sure where to begin, so many things I want to share: my trip to Lake Taupo and how that affected my training, my 10kms in the Harbor Capital Marathon yesterday and how I cried for the first kilometer, the challenges of training everyday, how important family and friends support have been through this journey or how this “little project” brings out all my insecurities in life.

Lots to talk about. But I think I will focus in sharing the struggles of feeling slow, fat and flabby. And how showing that to the world has been a huge exercise of compassion for myself.

How does this happen? Well its quite easy. Here goes the math of it: I think I am slow because I am fat. When I am doing my runs everyday, I turn to look at my reflection in the shop windows as I run by, and my posture looks clumsy and awkward, like I am 60 years old. I feel terrible and start feeling like shit about myself. I can feel all the muscles in my body that are loose and flabby, like jell-o, wabble up and down. I can hear them loud and clear, go up and down with each step I take. I feel my feet heavy as if they were bags of wet sand and how that keeps me from barely being able to carry the weight of my body of the ground.

I decide to keep running and stop thinking about this, how? Keep reading.

I have done two official races and in either of them did I come close to last. As a matter of fact, my times are pretty standard for someone of my age that has just started to run and everyday I see bigger and heavier people run faster than me. So the facts show that I am not the heaviest or the slowest, and that one does not cause the other.

So why do I feel so bad when I run? It seems to be those demons in my mind telling me that if I am not going to look like Lance Armstrong or Paula Radcliffe (women that ran a marathon in 2 hours and 15 minutes. I am looking to finish the marathon under 4 hours 30 minutes, to give you perspective) there is no point in putting in the effort.

What do I do? How is it, that I have been running everyday for the past 14 weeks with these heavy, suffery, fearful emotions and thoughts in my mind??? Well, when I am running and I am looking at that reflection on the glass windows, it’s the perfect moment to do something amazing for myself. I picture myself being 4 years old, and being very scared before my first ballet recital. With my mother in the audience (this was in the classs room, not even a stage) thinking she will not love me if I don’t look perfect and deciding it was a great time to have a pipi :/, in front of everyone. Would I tell this little girl the things I tell myself about being, fat, slow and fabbly? Would I tell this 4 year old girl she is not worthy of trying to put her heart and soul into something, even if it is not perfect? NO! off course Not! So why do I do it to my 29 year old self?? Or anybody for that matter?

Looking fat, slow, flabby and clumsy does not make me a bad person or someone that is not worthy of giving herself the chance to run a marathon, even if it is in 5 and half hours.

Pretty deep stuff right? You would think that running is just this one leg in front of another type of thing. But NO! Its much more than that, its one of the biggest compassion exercise I have done for myself. Its putting myself out there, slow, fat, flabby and uncoordinated to see how far I can go, how determined I am to finish the marathon in under 4 hours and 30 minutes and seeing if I have what it takes to do it and loving myself every kilometer of the way.

Leave you with some photos of my 10kms yesteray at the Harbor Capital Marathon:

Me super happy to see my family waiting for me at the finish line!!!

My mother and her adorable husbband, Istvan. Could not have done it without their love.

My mother and dashing boyfriend, Mike. I am a very fortunate girl. :D

Next week running plan:

Monday: 8kms

Tuesday: 6.5 kms

Wednesday: 6.5 kms

Thursday: 8kms

Friday: 17 kms

Saturday: hot yoga

In case you were wondering, I learned this compassion exercise at a program called ESP. Amazing life changing tools! Love you guys! Have you always in my heart and mind!!!

15 weeks until Marathon week (part 3)

2011-06-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

This week in my new found obsession for running:

· Not too inspired to write.

· Very obsessed with time and how long it takes me to run. Currently running 5kms in 29minutes.

· Have figured out the dates for my next races, prices and starting to work on a plan to get there. Will let you know about them, once I have a clear idea of how its going to work

· Convinced I need to start to do abb and bump work (if I want to get faster), but have been too lazy to do so.

· Starting eating 200 calories more everyday and ended up in me weighing 2kgs MORE by the end of the week, so went back to 1200 calorie days L

· If you want to embrace a project like this, I strongly recommend have a big support team. HUGE thanks to my running partner, Luis, Mike and my mom. Could not think of doing any of this with out you.

These were my goals and this is how it went:

Monday: 5kms CHECK

Tuesday: 5kms CHECK

Wednesday: 5kms CHECK

Thursday: 5kms CHECK

Friday: 12kms CHECK CHECK CHECK

Cross training:

Monday: Bike CHECK

Tuesday: weights FAIL FAIL FAIL

Wednesday: Bike CHECK

Thursday: weights FAIL FAIL FAIL, BUT I CHANGED IT FOR BIKE AND WALK

Friday: just run!

In a nutshell: could not do weights, felt great running the 12kms ans I am obsessed with time. I think I run to slow and I am petrified of running a marathon in more than 4:30minutes.

Next weeks goal:

Sunday: 6.5KMS

Monday: 6.5 KMS

Tuesday: 6.5 KMS

Wednesday: 6.5 KMS

Thursday: 14KMS

Cross training:

Sunday: NOTHING

Monday: BIKE

Tuesday: WEIGHTS

Wednesday: BIKE

Thursday: WALKING

From the couch to my first Marathon (part 2)

2011-05-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

Finishing my first 10kms

Today was a big day for my running self! I ran my first 10kms. Without stopping!! And it felt freaking amazing!

I felt great 9.5kms, the last 500 meters it took every ounce of everything I knew, felt and could do, to pull it through.

My conclusion about putting your body through something it has never done before is the following:

33.3% correct equipment

33.3% body/physical capacity

33.3% mind, heart and soul.

Its a team effort!!! :D

I remember when I paddled across James Bay in Northern Canada when I was younger; we needed to paddle for more than 18 hours. And the one thing our leader said, that stuck with me forever was: “The first thing that is going to give up, is your body. That’s when your mind kicks in and when your mind cant go any further, you heart will help you finish the job.”

Walking towards the start of my 10kms!!

Another photo of me walking towards my running start, pretty nervous about running with that wind!!

My happy self waiting for the bus after I finished my 10kms. !!!

The weather wasn’t in my favor. It was very windy. Don’t know if you have ever run against the wind, but it’s like a huge uphill suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

Couldn’t stop thinking in all the people that have helped and inspired me through my first 10kms. So I want to make one of my favorite things in the world to thank them: A LIST!!

Luis Solano Rangel: my running buddy! Amazing thing we started!! Go Us!!!

Guadalupe Albert: my most amazing fan!

Mike Evans: My biggest supporter!!! Could have not done it without you!!! ♥♥
Alfonso Castaneda: giving one time some advise about running that is on repeat in my head when I run :)

And all the people that got me thinking running was a good idea without even knowing it: Mariana Musi, Emiliano Salinas, Mario Lopez Fons, Elisa Anaya, Casilda Aguilar, Alexander Newman, Vero Baz, Ben Myers.

Next week:

Monday: 5kms

Tuesday: 5kms

Wednesday: 5kms

Thursday: 5kms

Friday: 12kms

Cross training:

Monday: Bike

Tuesday: weights

Wednesday: Bike

Thursday: weights

Friday: just run!

From the couch to my first Marathon (part 1)

2011-05-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

17 weeks till Marathon Week (12 sept.)

After 9 weeks of following a running training plan for beginners and have not run ever before in my life for more than 10 minutes, I have decided to blog my way up until Marathon week.

Why? For the same reasons I share everything else on my blog. I am always inspired by hearing other peoples struggles and stories. I hope to help inspire someone to do something kind for themselves or somebody else.

First would like to give you a little update of my actual state in terms of numbers and important facts:

Been running for 9 weeks
Started running 3 times a week, I am now running 5 times a week
The longest I have run has been 7.6 kilometers last week in 52 minutes.
I have done one 7kms race and did it in 47 minutes.
I weigh 66kms
Doing a less than 1200 calorie diet.
The plan I am doing is out of Dean Karnazes book.
I am training myself, that means there is no expert advise ... yet.
3 times a week, my cross training is doing 25kms on a bike at home. It takes me 60 minutes.
I have a running buddy that is also training for a Marathon. He runs faster and can do longer distances, but we meet everyday and walk together and start together ... it has helped loads!! So yei for my running pal Luis Solano :)

GOAL: Finish a marathon by the last week of September 2011 and weigh 62 kilos.

So after having gone through the math of it all … I have not signed up for any marathon yet (too scared and don’t think I will be able to do it yet). I Just finished a 7kms race this past weekend and I loved it, went with my boyfriend, felt super supported and had a blast.

The next two races I want to do are on June 19^th (10 kms Harbour Capital Marathon, Half Marathon, 10K in Wellington) and July 10^th,I would be doing 10kms in both races. Haven’t sighed up for either races, because I don’t have the money for it, but have a couple of weeks to sort that out. What I battled with the most is my mind and my breathing. My legs seem to be fine through the running. See you all next Monday!

THE HIGH'S IN MY LIFE

2011-04-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

Given my fascination with lists and my life, I thought I would share some of the highs of it.

This is a list of just some events that will go down in my own history, those moments I just love myself for have gotten into them!

A list where its clap clap clap for me and everyone that helped me get to each of these points. Hope you have your high's list and remember them every time you have a chance.

1. Going to a Bulls game when Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen and Rodman were the kings of the world.

2. Being a part of the Northwaters Bay trip across James Bay when I was 15. That means I paddled for 20 straight hours. Hardcore awesomeness going on there.

3. Walking 900 kms across Spain, Camino de Santiago.

4. Going to the 1994 USA World Cup opening game in Chigaco. Chicago Soldier Field.

5. 20 year friendship with Emi Kamata

6. Chocolate sauce fight one night at the Starbucks I worked for 6 months after closing hours with the staff.

7. Playing Volleyball for two years in the Nichols Middles School junior varsity team.

8. Learning to ski when I was 4 on Whistler Mountain.

9. Having Skied in Banff, Canada and Verbie, Switzerland.

10. Having an awesome mom.

11. ESP.

12. Ballet clases with Anima Inc. for one year and half.

13. My summer in Barcelona, Spain.

14. My 6 months in Sevilla, Spain.

15. My trip to Florence with my mom.

16. My trip to Buenos Aires, Montevideo, Punta del Este, Chile and Vina del Mar with my mom.

17. Flying to New Zealand first class ; )

18. My high school years in Mexico City.

19. Working for a month at the Four Seasons in Exuma, Bahamas.

20. Sunday Inlakech dance clases for a year and half.

21. My trip to Bacalar by myself for 10 days.

22. Every time I salsa dance.

23. Having met Carlos Salinas de Gortari.

24. Whistler trip with Los Gurrea in 2001.

25. Trip across Switzerland with Rodrigo and Fernando.

26. My amazing birthday parties.

27. Late dinners at Kleins and Tori Tori with Michel.

28. Living with Michelle Salzman for two months.

29. My Albany family.

30. Café Tacuba Concert in Barcelona, Sapin with Rodrigo.

31. My solo dance in the 2010 ESP Christmas party.

32. Have danced with the Anima Inc dancers in a private event.

33. Having worked for Emiliano Salinas. There is a whole blog post on him and why I think he is awsome!!!!

34. My month in LA with Emi Kamata.

35. Teaching dance clases during Vweek.

36. Having belonged to the Girl Scouts when I was 5 while living in Vancouver.

37. Camps in Erongaricuaro, Michoacan.

38. Making cakes when I was young with my cousins Sandra and Fernanda and them letting me crack the eggs and licking the spoon.

39. My relationship with my cousins.

40. My 3 beautiful nephews: Jorge, Martina y Emilio

41. Having done a Triathlon with Michel and Emiliano and have been 3erd place.

42. Sleep overs at the Gurreas house during high school.

43. All of my goodbye parties and welcome back parties.

44. Have Sky Dived in lake Tapou, New Zealand ... cant leave that out! It was freaking awsome!!!

45. Having participated in the biggest Flash Mob Mexico - No Pants Subway Ride.

46. You are the high of this moment in my life.

Things I want to do before I die

2011-04-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

1. Learn ball room Salsa

2. Read War and Peace

3. Buy a house

4. Build a long term, long lasting relationship with a man

5. Have a baby

6. Adopt a baby

7. Write a book

8. Do a masters and a PHD

9. Watch stand up comedy live

10. Go to a Justin Timberlake concert

11. Go to a Counting Crows concert

12. Run a marathon

13. Do GR20, France (200kms treking trip)

14. Do Overland Track, Australia

15. Do Routeburn Track, New Zealand

16. Do the Tongariro Crossing, New Zealand (20kms, one day treking)

17. Go to a NBA Final.

My favorite poem

2011-04-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

In July of last year I had the fortune of watching Alek Paunovic perfom this poem in New York. It is one of those perfomances that had a true impact in me. It got stuck in my heart and in my mind and for that I thank him.
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

This video is a performance of this poem by its author, Shane Koyczan and its called Apology.

(spoken)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I keep saying that I'm sorry,
I know it's strange.
Strange in a George W. Bush hasn't been assassinated yet kind of way.
But I say I'm sorry for stupid shit
And trivial things.
And she sings the sweet logic that apologies should grow like trees,
Only able to bear fruit of its root is planted in the soil of genuine sincerity.
But I somehow manage to parity each apology by speaking it before I act,
And the fact is, I'm not really sorry that I completely dig Degrassi,
Because it was Yick and Arthur who got me through wet dreams and puberty.

Lady, I don't expect you to understand the reference,
But i've been into this shit ever since the casting director said,
"Fuck physicality, give me som reality.
Give me kids that can't act and are ugly,
They'll teach the world about beauty."
Lady, I can relate to this,
Because before I met you I used to want to lock myself into a vault just to feel precious.
But now with every kiss, hello and goodbye, I feel a self worth no banker can tally.
And my heart is a protest that I let rally against my ribs,
'Cause I want to build my bones into cribs and lay my reluctance to rest.
Test what it would be like to live phonetically,
To hold you unapologetically,
To plant a giving tree on my front lawn so that when you're gone, it can give you back to me

And I'm sorry,
That when you sleep next to me that you're forced to listen to the symphony of the unplugged nostril.
And I'm sorry that one time, for some reason, I called you "Ma'am",
That's fucked up.
Fucked up in a "I just bought a pair of speedos so i can go swimming with you" kind of way.
And crazier than that is the fact that I'll play at being brave,
Because doubt is about as useful as a fire escape when you're trying to doge a tidal wave.
When you got no time to save anybody but yourself,
You better believe that you're worth it.
And you are the time it takes to take the time to get to know you.

We've managed to muddle through the awkward stage of
"I like you and do you like me", but when we both said yes
Life became a multiple choice test.
Not knowing anything we became each other's best guess.
And holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery.
Lady, I don't have to study you to be sure,
You're the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were.

(spoken)
And like the best idea I'll ever have, I want you to occur to me daily.
And I'm sorry, but I want to kiss you every time you have something incredible to say,
But you're beautiful, beautiful in a you kind of way.
You're like the long lost vinyl of Louis Armstrong,
And I want to play you until it, until it, until it,
I want to pl-, pl-, play you until it, until it ski-, until it ski-,
I want to play you until it skips.
I want to tell you a secret and I want you to listen with your lips.
I want my hands on your hips like they were their final resting place
And then put that funeral onto paper so you can trace their life time back to the fact
That I'm more inclined to find a place in your heart to haunt for as long as you want me too.
Lady, I'll rattle chains up and down the halls of you.

And this isn't the greatest romance the world has ever seen,
Let's face it, we've been making out to songs about break-up and heart ache.
But I've come to realize that romance should be less like a flower and more like an earthquake,
And I'm not saying that I want to shake cities to the ground,
I'm not saying that I want the rubble that remains to become a lost and found
That we find the kind of tolerance to rebuild in the face of tragedy,
'Cause I'm tired of living in a world that says people only come together when faced with catastrophe.

I want you to want me to be the me that you see when I'm free to be the me that got you next to me,
And as for romance, well, I want that too.
I want to fall asleep next to you one hundred times a night so I can know you one hundred times better before we hit the day light,
And in spite of all of this, I also want amnesia
So that I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture.
I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology
'Cause I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I want so much.
I'm sorry that I've been using "I'm sorry" as a crutch to lean on for so long,
But if you sing me that song of sweet logic again,
Then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own.

There's a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone.
I've known so many people who've grown up flexing it in front of a mirror
As if falling for their own reflection would be adequate,
And that's bullshit, because we only get from now until the time we go,
And if they've only got time to love themselves then no one's going to be around to heard the sound of their heartbeat echo.
So lady, don't expect an apology when I tell you, I'm only held together by a heart that pumps glue
It's the strongest muscle in my body, and I'm flexing it for you.

CULTURE SHOCK/ HOMESICKNESS/ MISSING PEOPLE IDEAS

2011-04-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

It will be a month tomorrow. A month since I decided to pack my bags, sell our stuff and follow a long dream of having a better quality of life.

Some ideas that have been going through my head since I got here?

Not wanting to Facebook and/or Twitter to much out of fear of feeling and recognizing how much I miss my friends and family

Not wanting to get on Skype out of fear of speaking to some of the people I miss the most

Wanting to engage in everything that has to do with this culture, even if I don't understand any of it, like Crickett and Rugby and love for sheep

Not knowing what to wear to a social event here.

Paying 5nzd for a jar of “Salsa Verde” that tastes a bit like vinegar :/

Not being able to not convert everything into pesos.

Staring into the harbor and not believing how different my life is.

Not being able to believe that I DON’T need to worry about somebody kidnapping me.

Having trouble sleeping because its so quiet.

Every time I see something that remotely reminds me of Mexico, feeling butterflies in my stomach, like the NACHOS at the supermarket.

Having to explain lemon and salt in a beer.

I have not been in a hurry once since I got here.

Leaving one hour before a meeting I have 5 blocks away and arriving in 5 minutes and having to wait for 50. I keep thinking there will be loads of traffic : /

Being the loudest laugh in the restaurant : / … kiwis are a bit more discreet.

I miss my home town and I miss being a local, but sacrificing that for a better quality of life is worth it. The good thing is that no matter where I live, I will always be the proudest Mexican.

(heart) part 2

2011-04-11T19:08:00.000-07:00

Dying to let myself fall madly in love with you

POIGNANT

2011-03-24T16:11:00.000-07:00

1. -

Profoundly moving; touching

Astute and pertinent; relevant: poignant suggestions.

Agreeably intense or stimulating: poignant delight.

AND IT CAN ALSO MEAN:

2. -

Evoking a keen sense of sadness or regret

I am glad you ment the first definition <3

Words I never get right

2011-03-24T16:02:00.000-07:00

Will I ever learn how to ~~spell~~ this words??

Hilarious
Beautiful
Ridicouls
Conscious
Existence
Humorous
Neighborhood
Existence
Nauseous
Queue
Noticeable
Weird

I guess spelling is not one of my strengths ...

just felt like sharing

What do Emiliano & awesome have in common?

2011-03-21T15:38:00.000-07:00

For me, AWESOME is a very important term. It reminds me of everything that is important for me, everything that makes me connect with what I love about myself and therefore the world. It’s a super fun word, high-energy, and super expressive. Some qualities I want to have and work to build within me.

The feeling it generates in me is the most genuine, happy feeling ever.

Something happened in my life in 2009… something big …

Having a boss usually sucks!! At least for me it did. For the 11 years that I have been in the work, labor corporate world, I had had only one boss that taught me loads. He did it through pushing myself into a very fearful place and working very efficiently from there. Learned a lot, but no quite the best way to do it.

Emiliano Salinas asked me, one day if I could help him out as his personal assistant. He had seen me work for his best friend and business partner Alex Betancourt. I said yes, but I had no idea the treat I was in for.

This was one of those things that change your life and your experience forever, I just didn’t know it yet.

Not only did he teach me how to be more amazingly myself, no matter how uncomfortable it may seem, something kind of like responsibility. And that it actually feels good! He also taught me that you can work with your friends, have fun, enjoy every last minute of it, and produce great results. It doesn’t have to be all work and no play and he is a great example of that. He’s serious and dedicated, but he always has time for a friend.

He is one of the people who has showed me, in the most patient way, how to be the person I want to be. He also introduced me to Executive Success Programs, which has helped me on so many levels. His commitment to honesty and compassion is beyond anything I have ever experienced before. An honest, vulnerable, caring guy? Not my every day cup of tea. He truly redefined the word mentor for me. After two years of working with him, I can say he is awesome, as is the relationship we have built.

He said it very nicely in one of our last meetings I had in Mexico City: “… don’t know if we did much, but we sure did hold each others hand in the process.”

What more could a person striving to learn, ask for from someone? From a teacher, a true teacher.

Things that inspire me - Volume 1 -

2011-03-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

ampisound.com

Ampisound Showreel from Ampisound on Vimeo.

Thinking of starting a blog that is called "Inspire me Preatty" ... there are all these great things on the internet that inspire me everyday, photos, videos, posts, articles, I feel I would need a whole new space for that!!! Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

DANCE!

2011-03-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

DANCING … this is such a huge part of my life. Surprisingly enough, I haven’t written anything about it! Weird how sometimes the most important things in our life are the ones you neglect the most. I guess it has to do with all the fear around the idea of not having it … or just us not using more than 5% of our brain. Its not even about the specifics of dancing, but of how something makes you feel so much, you are scared of getting near it ... like falling in love, for example.

The way I feel when I dance or see someone dance, is something that I cant recreate easily. It’s something very specific. Dancing is something that gives me the goose-bumps in record time. Like a very fast car, that can go from 0 to 100 in 30 seconds. Not every car can do that. Dancing does that for me, literally, it gets me from 0 to 100 in 30 seconds.

Dancing is like dreaming with your feet ~ Constanze

I hope everybody has something like that in his or her life. Hope u have identified what makes you stop anything you are doing to feel yourself in the process of it!!!

You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart. ~Author Unknown

Confessions part 2

2011-03-16T21:21:00.000-07:00

A veces, decir lo que sientes aunque sea muy incomodo, es importante, antes de que el efecto sea perderte la oportunidad de construir una relacion con alguien, por miedo a expresar lo que sientes.

I just want to tell u that I want to keep in touch ... For ever!!!

Este post esta dedicado a ti. U know who u r!

clap clap clap for women

2011-03-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

So being a woman … Congratulations! … well, sometimes!

I mean, I love being a woman, don’t get me wrong ... but thank God we have our day; cause boy is it hard sometimes.

One time I heard someone say: “Being a women represents wakening up everyday with the slight possibility of your body feeling completely different to the way it went to bed the night before.” That sounds exhausting!

I love it! I love the feeling of being fragile and vulnerable, the possibility of looking shockingly different every day. I love the way my legs look with high heels;the attention and power my body has and the responsibility that comes with that power. I love thinking I need a man to feel protected. And don’t get me started on all of the being a mother part ... that’s mind blowing!

I love the fact that we can protect, nurture and care like no man ever can. I find it really cute thinking I am not pretty enough, or smart enough or sexy enough sometimes.

I admire women that think naively, that they can do it all, because I have seen some try like their lives depend on it.

"I believe woman can do it all, just not at the same time." - Oprah

So for all of this and a bag of chips, clap clap clap to all the women out there!!

The woman I admire the most? my M-O-M! I dedicate this post and this day to you!! She never stops surprising me!! <3

Smile!!!

2011-02-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

Love this video .. it cheers me up .. and I love the song, if you know which one it its, please share!

Moving to New Zeand

2011-02-27T18:10:00.001-08:00

So yes … I am moving to New Zealand.

Sudden? Not really.

Been thinking about this option since December 28^th, 2010. Got some news about some choices I made last year and a skype call that changed everything. Have been two months off pulling out all my tools, life experience, inner honesty and wisdom out of the box and into my heart and mind.

It’s a big deal. Even though I have lived abroad before, it has never been from the place where I am today, and it has never been to a country so far away. Weird, but that has something to do with it all.

Why? Will love to explain through here, but its too personal and emotional. Will let you inn all the details when we see each other again. The people that need to know it all, do!

Why it was so hard to decide? … I have built an amazing life here in Mexico City. I have learned a new way of building relationships with the people I love the most, I have had the opportunity to work with true heroes. This is my home and my heart will always be here. I will always come back.

Cant wait for whats to come, will obviously keep you posted on it all. The new house, the new job, my mom, Istvan and off course matters of the heart.

I have nothing but feelings of love and respect for everybody that has been in my life up until know. You have all participated in way or another in getting here.

… let the process begin …

(heart)

2011-02-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

Never saw you coming … u showed up unannounced, but it feels like I was waiting for you. So natural, honest and amazing … Can’t wait to see you …

Dont forget today

2011-02-17T01:48:00.000-08:00

I was told I was special

I have less fear to do what is right in my heart

I was told i was media savvy

I was told I seemed bubbly by my new African friend and learned the meaning of the word:

Insha'Allah

Teachers - part 2

2011-02-16T02:00:00.000-08:00

Found out today that one of my favorite people in the world: Robbie Chappone has a blog and saw this quote on it from one of my teachers in life. Get inspired!! much love

My inspiration for Higher Education:

"Knowing what to do is useless without the emotional strength to do what you know.- Keith Raniere"

confessions

2011-02-15T22:41:00.000-08:00

Si eres lindo y si me gustas y si que miedo.

My Raw Self

2011-02-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

I brace myself for the fight.

The fight against myself, against my inconsistencies and my lack of love and forgiveness for myself. I brace the fight with love and compassion. Specially for that part of me, where I am not capable of loving myself through it.

I embrace the complexity involved in wanting to be better than I really am. Embrace the fear of feeling that some people may not love me forever. Embrace my enthusiasm, my force and my stubbornness. Embrace my vulnerability and my mess ups. My debt and my experience. My trips and my broken hearts. My need for attention and my weekness for feeling comfortable. Love the part of me where I "fall in love" with men I don't know, out of fear of being with myself.

I am willing to brace myself for the fight of feeling myself. Not giving myself what I want when I want, but pushing through the adversity to become the person I ideologically want to become, even when I fail to do so.

I and we and us are all doing the best we can. I carry this as my anthem, always with love and compassion for myself and the system around me. I dedicate this with profound respect, to the teachers that have tought me everything and anything in this life.

Who I would want to meet? - part 1

2011-02-06T10:11:00.001-08:00

Debido a mi participación en este movimiento, personajes como este me recuerdan como si se puede hacer un cambio, si se puede inspirar y si se puede luchar por lo que SABES que es lo correcto. Hoy por ser su día, me gustaría compartirles su famoso discurso, que no deja de enseñarme cada vez que lo leo.

"Martin Luther King, Jr.¹ (Atlanta, 15 de enero de 1929 – Memphis, 4 de abril de 1968) fue un pastor estadounidense de la iglesia bautista² que desarrolló una labor crucial en Estados Unidos al frente del Movimiento por los derechos civiles para los afroamericanos y que, además, participó como activista en numerosas protestas contra la Guerra de Vietnam y la pobreza en general.

Por esa actividad encaminada a terminar con el apartheid estadounidense y la discriminación racial a través de medios no violentos, fue condecorado con el Premio Nobel de la Paz³ en 1964." Segun Wikipedia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963

“Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.
But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.
In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.
It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.
I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"
Martin Luther King Jr.

Teachers - part 1

2011-02-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

What happens when the single mother of an only child gets on a plane and travels to the other side of the globe?

In my case, I panicked. I panicked because I was now “alone.” Alone, such a dramatic word, I know. I mean, are we ever really “alone”? There are more than 6,000,000,000 people in the world. I also live in one of the most overpopulated, dense and crowded cities in the world. So really, I was far from alone. But deep down, I felt the loss of my life-long companion I call “mom.”

Thankfully, I have terrific friends and even a few substitutes for “mom” in my life. One of these substitutes is a woman I look up to so much. Her name is Nancy Salzman. She, too, lives in a different city, but her presence is very dear to me and I try to relate with her as much as possible.

When I first met Nancy, I had only heard about how great she was. I had experienced her as an incredible public speaker—engaging and thoughtful with a great sense of humor. Little did I know how warm, generous and caring she was too. I quickly came to consider her a confidant and close friend.

So I guess my year without my mother wasn’t so lonely after all, especially thanks to amazing women like Nancy Salzman. She’s become one of my biggest inspirations and greatest teachers. I feel like I’ve grown so much this past year, I hope my mom will recognize me!

HABITS

2011-02-05T00:12:00.000-08:00

I was reading a long lost cousins friend blog. I haven’t seen her in ages, but remember her well, Dushka Zapata. Love her name. My mom sent me her blog. I saw a section that is called Habits. I love habits, was my fist thought! And I love lists!

So I thought of putting down my habits in a list! Ja! How is that for an idea!?

World: my habits

1. Wake up as early as I can

2. Arrive annoyingly on time everywhere

3. Believe what people say

4. Believe that men are good in nature and that women are not crazy

5. Get my nails done ever 5 days

6. Wax every 8 days

7. Never sleep with my make up on

8. Never leave my cell phone on at night

9. Check my emails more than 3 times a day

10. Make daily list of what I have to do everyday

11. Been writing what I do every day for the past 15 years

12. Love to wear dresses, because they are what takes up les time and are the most confortable

13. Will dress for comfort, not for looks

14. Hate wearing mascara, but recognize the benefits of having stunning looking eyelashes

15. I am a sucker for geeks in jocks body’s

16. Love candy

17. Hate the bank

18. Hate going to ATM’s

19. Hate to go for gas

20. Love airports

21. Love long flights

22. I only clean when I am mad

23. Love to be in love

24. Love my friends

25. Love my cousins

26. Miss some friends

27. Scared to death of the dark

28. Love to travel alone

29. Love to read books from the Man Booker Prize List

30. Love libraries

Changes

2011-02-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Made some changes in my blog design. And want to share them with you. Hope u like them. Let me know what you think.

This photo is not me, but think that it is.
:)

xoxox

inspiración

2011-02-04T01:47:00.000-08:00

Hoy me entere que fui la inspiradora para que un amigo, Jaime Encontra, empezara a escribir un blog.

Q cosa, se siente increíble que puedas inspirar a alguien hacer algo. Sobre todo algo que te gusta tanto, como lo es compartir. Poncho tenias razon.

Motivo por el cual me gustaría honrar a quien me inspiro a mi a escribir un blog. Fueron cuatro culpables.

El primero fue un ex novio. Duro poco, pero me gustaba mucho. Una de las cosas que el hace es escribir en un blog. Un niño brillante, no el mejor para eso de cumplir acuerdos, pero al final del día un gran ser humano y ahora un gran amigo.

La segunda persona fue mi prima Jimena Albert. Una de las personas mas brillantes y creativas que se han cruzado en mi camino. La amo con todo mi corazón y me parece que algún día será muy famosa.

Les dejo fotos de los dos. Ellos dos no se conocen pero ahora estan unidos por haber sido las dos personas en inspirarme a escribir.

También quisiera mencionar a mi mama y a Alex Newman.

Mi mama es una mujer increíble e inspiradora. Y no lo digo por que sea mi mama, sino porque es cierto y cualquiera que la conozca lo puede corroborar.

Ella escribe y es una estudiante perpetua de la vida y de la escritura y próximamente de Alemán.

Alex es un niño también brillante, escritor, físico y deportista. Amante de la vida, viajes y un buen pedazo de carne. Con el camine 900kms por España. Lo quiero con todo mi corazón y espero que donde este, este bien.

Gracias a ustedes, yo escribo!

xoxoxox

Decisions.

2011-02-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

Decisions. We are making these every day, all day. Do we snooze for 5 more minutes? Do we get up? For what? Do we go to the gym? Do I run, swim or bike? Do I sleep for longer? What am I upset about? What embarrassing thing did I do yesterday?

These are questions I ask myself in the first 30 seconds that my alarm clock went off, every day.

But not all decisions are the same size. Yes, decisions have sizes in my mind. There’s the XS, S, M, L and XL decisions in life. I believe that it is my mistake to think that they are not all XL decisions, no matter how XS you think it is, its not. But I don’t evaluate based on that, I evaluate by telling myself the story that some are XS or S or even M.

I am here in New Zealand with my mom and now I do believe I need to make a XXL decision and right about know, it is driving me crazy. This is the moment, where I would like all my life experience to parade across my mind and heart to help me make the best one. If there were anybody out there reading this, help would be greatly appreciated.

Will keep you posted. In the mean time I will leave you with some urban kiwi filosofy:

"The power of vulnerability"

2011-01-23T18:51:00.000-08:00

Que semana.

Cuantas cosas!

He sido testigo de la transformación que hay, en las experiencias con las personas que convivo, si tan solo soy súper honesta conmigo. Con lo que realmente esta pasando por mis emociones. Aceptar para lo que estoy lista y aceptar para lo que no.

Que miedo me da empujar en Inlak'ech, en mi dieta y en estar sola. En lo horrible que se siente que hablen mal, públicamente de alguien que es muy importante para mi. De lo que representa hacer cosas que no quiero y equivocarme. Aparte de eso, seguir empujando. Tengo muchas ganas de aventar la toalla y llorar. Es mas, estoy hasta un poco/ mucho enojada.

Para acabarla de fregar mi ~~dieta~~ no esta jalando a la velocidad que quiero. Pero saben que, este video que les voy a enseñar, me ayudo a dejar de dramatizar y seguir.

No tengo la mente tan clara, ni mis ideas tan en línea. Esta semana me la he pasado escribiendo ensayos y leyendo artículos necesarios para presentar una solicitud. Esta solicitud es de unos talleres que me ayudaran con mi participación en Inlak’ech, si es que soy aceptada.

No quería dejar pasar mi post de esta semana. Los dejo con este link. Una platica que describe por mi, todo lo que me empezó a quedar mas claro esta semana. Espero que lo puedan disfrutar tanto como lo hice yo y se dejen inspirar por el.

Linda ultima semana en mis 28 años!

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Lo que me tiene despierta a estas altas horas de la noche, cuando soy como gallina (por lo general)

2011-01-18T23:19:00.000-08:00

Solo quería compartir los ligeros, fáciles, sencillos pero trascedentes cambios que he hecho en mi blog. Espero que siga creciendo mi habilidad e interés por esto de el ambiente, vida y mundo virtual. Hoy considere empezar un video blog... no se si tenga ese nivel de capacidad de entretenimiento, todavía ;)

Lo que si quiero gritar, (fuerte), es que mañana salgo en un programa de radio. En mi post del viernes, les platico todoooo lo que ha pasado esta semana. Porque vaya que ha pasado: International Center for Non Violent Conflict, CSG, Ulrich, Inlak’ech, Flash Mob Mexico, mas Inlak’ech, Un Dios Salvaje, Jack, Steph, Dieta: “Me azoto de hambre”, Radio Anáhuac, Radiograma, Crema, socias nuevas, nuevo avatar, nueva twitt-biografia, gente nueva super super super alternativa, interesante, inteligente.

Tipo así ha estado mi semana… Como ha estado la suya? Alguna novedad?

En fin, will keep u posted ...
#bai

WHAT DOES IT MEAN (for me) To be almost THIRTY!

2011-01-13T04:17:00.000-08:00

Seguiré en mis 20’s otros 380 días. Pero prácticamente ya tengo 30, o por lo menos asi se siente.

Este video es el unico con el que he llorado! Si ya se! que curis! Y si es "pop" y si es Katy Perry, pero explica perfecto lo que pasa hoy en mi cuerpo y cabeza.

Me siento mas conectada con mi lucha. Sobre todo con mi fortaleza (en algunas areas) y con mi vulnerabilidad (en otras areas). Mas conectada con mi miedo a no poder sola, con mi necesidad de protección y compañía y con mi necesidad de compartir. Mas conectada con mi sexualidad, con lo que me gusta y con lo que no. Con lo que busco y con lo que ya no busco.

Por lo que siento curiosidad ha cambiado, ya no tiene que ver tanto por lo que no tengo pero por lo que si tengo y amo.

Veo destellos (esporádicos) de mas paciencia, mas tolerancia y compasión. Tengo ratos donde muero por ser mama y muchos mas momentos donde no quiero. Y si los decido tener, la palabra "adoptar" no retumba lejos (i have my reasons).

Tengo menos confuso lo que quiero en una pareja y lo que no quiero en una pareja. Engordo mas rápido, enflaco mas lento. Ya tengo amigas casadas, solteras, divorciadas y con hijos. Tengo deudas, gastos y pagos de adulto. Ya casi no me gustan los antros, pero amo bailar y eso no cambia, mas bien solo se amplifica mi amor por ese arte.

Me salen mas granos que cuando tenia 15, me sigue dando miedo la oscuridad y la soledad en lugares desconocidos, me siguen encantando los dulces y las películas románticas, los musicales y Ellen DeGeneres.

Se siente que soy mas adulto, mas mujer, menos niña, a veces. Como que implica mas responsabilidad, menos tiempo. Se siente raro, pero mas poderoso.

That’s it, that’s me, that’s me turning 29 and loving every second of it.

Friday thoughts

2011-01-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

Good day, bad headache. Not in the clearest mood to wright. But I want u too know that I keep thinking of different ways of making this blog a lasting success in my life and the life's of the people around me. Watching the Mission. Thinking of what a penitence really is and how to go about it. Lots going on this week.

Tomorrow I will tell u about my expectation of the Sundays Flash Mob mission. Went on the route today with Isaac, one of my heroes. Super fun.

Ok, gonna go sleep.... super tired, again: bad headache.

xoxoxox

Bacalar 2010 .... espectacular no creen?

Este es mi tercer HEROE!

2011-01-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

EL MIEDO ANDA EN BURROS **Adrián LeBaron | La Polaka

What's on my mind today Jan 5th, 2011

2011-01-05T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hello!

Got back from Bacalar. Back in the office. Having to make tough decisions soon. But not too soon, thank God. Will keep u posted on that.

For the mean time this is what's on my mind:

1. Want to start a search. A search for Heroes. In my INLAKECH blog. I have found two, but want to find more. Want to upload a bunch of stories about heroes. If you know of any let me know.

2. Doing my Inlakech Blog in a more professional way. So my mom is helping me proofread it :) yei!

3. Wanting to go to the movies. Want to watch Megamind and The Face Book Movie, but I think thats not in theaters anymore ... buu for that.

4. Reading articles like this one: http://gu.com/p/2m66j ... very eye opening. Read it! its good!

5. Trying to figure out the best way to finish watching the 3rd season of Heroes and teh best way of finding the 4th!

6. Thinking of why I want to wright. Whats my objective.

7. Back in the gym. Went swimming today.

8. Growing pains - will keep it @ this.

9. Looking @ my options.

Leave you with a foto of me back at the office.

My road to compassion

2011-01-03T17:39:00.000-08:00

This past year was a year of learning for me. I went for things I didn’t even know I wanted and embarked on a journey I hadn’t even considered before. One thing I’m most proud of is I doubled my participation with the In Lak’ Ech movement: I led dance classes, applied for grants and organized events, along with many other activities. (In Lak’ Ech is Mayan for “you are my other me.” Guided by the humanitarian principles of conceptual founder Keith Raniere, In Lak’ Ech is a civil movement in Mexico seeking to transform violence with compassion.)

Still, I struggled to understand how these things were going to end the violence in my country, and how I could possibly make a difference.

One particular day I was feeling confused and angry with myself, and a friend shared something with me that really struck a chord. He told me if I wasn’t being compassionate with myself, I was undermining exactly what In Lak’ Ech is trying to create in the world. This was quite a realization for me.

In that moment, I made a decision: I was going to embark on a mission to build compassion towards myself. I determined I would have compassion when I eat things I know I shouldn’t; be compassionate when I say things I don’t think are positive; feel compassion when I feel rejected; have compassion for myself when I fail; compassion, compassion, compassion! Until this mission, which I begun at NXIVM’s corporate retreat, I had never had such a deep and rich understanding of what In Lak’ Ech truly stands for and how I can really make a difference.

I feel very fortunate to have been introduced to Executive Success Programs, as its programs and tools have brought me a depth of understanding I didn’t know was possible. In particular, Nancy Salzman has taught me so much about what it means to have compassion in the face of adversity. So it seemed fitting that the retreat served as a launching place for my voyage. It was a place where I could relate with people from thirteen different countries: young people, old people, my dearest friends, and people I’ve never even met before; it was the perfect environment for me to challenge my beliefs—beliefs about myself, as well as my beliefs about the rest of humanity. And during those times when I couldn’t immediately access my own compassion, there were people around to support me, to remind me I’m human.

I found most of my challenges quickly turned into opportunities. My relationships with my close friends deepened throughout the week, and the new friendships I made were built on an honest foundation, promising to be long lasting and genuine.

I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to fit the awe and magnificence I experienced that week into a single entry, but I hope I’ve achieved a certain degree of success. At the very least I’d like to impress upon you how close, and loving, and warmly human the experience was for me.

I look forward to evolving this journey in the coming year, and getting to know myself better.

Del Odio al Amor hay un paso.

2011-01-03T13:16:00.000-08:00

Love u! Happy Birthday my dear!

xoxoxox

Otra de las personas que en cuanto me decida a escribir el libro de mi vida, tendrá toda una sección que se llamara: Del Odio al Amor, hay un paso.

De hecho hubieron varios. Y hoy es cumpleaños! Lo celebro con el desde aquí.

En busca de Heroes

2011-01-03T08:35:00.000-08:00

No Pants Subway Ride 2009

Esto paso en NY en el 2009 y queremos lograr lo mismo, pero mejor en el metro de la Cuidad de Mexico. Motivo por el cual empezare una fuerte campaña de enrolamiento para que vaya mucha mucha mucha gente el 9 de enero.

Porque apoyo este movimiento?

2 motivos:

1. Pertenezco a un movimiento que se llama Inlakech: www.inlakech.mx y mi blog de este movimiento es inlakech.mx/profile/NataliaAlbert. Entren ahí y vean porque estoy en busca de Heroes, de Gandhi's.

2. Conozco al chavo que trajo esto a Mexico. Se llama Isaac Salame. Su historia? Inspiradora. El? No sabría por donde empezar. Lo conozco de poco tiempo, pero me contó la historia de porque hace Flash Mob, y me conmovió. Me acuerdo que cuando me contó la historia pensé: "Encontre un Heroe!".

Si quieres saber mas de esto metete a www.fmmexico.com y siguelo en twitter @isaacsalme y @fmmexico. Tambien puedes ver mas Falsh Mobs en todo el mundo en you tube, nomas pon "flash mob".

Si quieres ser parte de este movimiento, aparta en tu agenda el 9 de enero.

Si teienen dudas... haganlas, pero no dejen de ir!!!

Super AWSOME post

2011-01-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

www.1000awesomethings.com
Just look and laugh and enjoy. One of the best things I have found this year!
To my dear friend Nicky Clyne... Thanks for sharing!
love u

By the way... my birthday is coming up and this would be an AWSOME present for me!!! :)

Humores Albert

2011-01-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

No estoy del humor mas rozagante y quiero un abrazo

bai

one of those conversations with one of those people

2011-01-02T14:47:00.000-08:00

Not in the brightest mood.

Just had one of those conversations that, if i am smart enough it can change my life. With one of those people that rock your world, everytime I have the privilege of them spending some time with me.

I wasn't really in the mood of writhing, but i thought: Heck! If I want to comunicate evrytime I am in freaking good mood, its only fair to share when I am not in the best, brightest, funkiest mood, right?

So this is one of those moments. Leave u a foto of that person, that takes the time to help mi out with all my different moods, days and anger issues. Much love and respect to what u do!

El Muñeco

2011-01-02T11:52:00.000-08:00

Hoy es cumpleaños de mi amigo del alma David ... a.k.a El Muñeco!

Y para conmemorar su cumpleaños y mi amistad con el, les contare rápidamente por q me parece importante compartir como participa en mi vida.

Lo conocí gracias a unos cursos que tomo (de los cuales ya estoy preparando mi post para contarles de q son). En diciembre del 2008. Llego de Monterrey con su lindisisma novia Melissa, de la cual tambien soy faannssseesss.

Total, nos hicimos amigos. Y en otro de sus viajes al DF, le dije que se quedara en mi casa.En esa época yo vivía con mi mama.

Y que se hace intimo de mi mama! Y no solo eso... que la empieza a ayudar! No se si pueda transmitir todo lo que eso vale para mi, pero les juro que es algo cabron!

Todo esto es aparte de q es un pan y me cae perfecto y en mis clases de baile me hecha muchas porras y me dio mucho apoyo moral cada vez q lo necesite!

(esta foto somos mi mama y yo en Nueva Zelanda en diciembre del 2009)

Muñequito very merry super happy birthday! te quiero mucho y te mando muchos besos desde mi blogcito!!! xoxoxo

My Best Friends Wedding

2011-01-01T16:53:00.000-08:00

Estoy en Bacalar en la casa de los papas de mis mejores amigos: Paco, Juanjo y mi gran Gordito!
Viendo las fotos de la boda de Rodri (mi gran Gordito). No fui. Se caso en Madrid con Maria.

Me acuerdo del dia que decidieron que era una buena idea, encontrarse guapo el uno al otro. Se encontraron en un antro raro en Santa Fe. Fui por Rodri y Rodri estaba medio borracho y feliz de haber pasado tiempo con una chava "super linda", como el solia decir.

Vi esa relación crecer, he visto a Rodri crecer. Lo conozco desde que tenia 13 y yo 15... ahorita yo tengo casi 29 y el tiene casi 27. Muchos años, muchas historias. Cuando escriba el libro de mi vida saldrán muchas historias de Rodri y yo, Paco y yo y yo con toda la familia. He viajado con ellos a Acapulco, Valle, Ixtapa, Europa y el inmemorable Whistler.

En Whistler decidí que estaba enamorada de toda la familia. To, Paco papa, Paco chico. Descubir que Juanjo era de las personas mas simpáticas y nobles que se me había cruzado en mi camino. Empece a entender el enorme pegue con las niñas de Juanjo. Bueno de los tres, porque que cosa de hermanitos: pero lindos, inteligentes, populares, alivianados, cagados, buen pedo, reventados, cariñosos, guapos (y muy guapos, no crean que medio guapos)

Bueno no les echare mucho chorro, la historia es muy muy muy larga. Solo quería compartir la nostalgia y el amor que me dio empezar a ver las fotos de la boda de mi mejor amigo, a la cual no fui.

what does it mean?

2011-01-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

2010 lo empeze aventandome de cuanta madre encontre en NZ, el bungee, paracaidas, parapente, rapidos, etc... Y asi se siente q me la pase el 2010 aventandome a precipios (auenque suene que #sufrocomoprescious)

Eso quiere decir que el 2011 me la pasare descansando, leyendo, pensando y escribiendo???
Not bad!!!

Bring it on 2011

2011-01-01T09:03:00.000-08:00

La neta es q si se siente un poco como q tendre super poderes este año nuevo...Como en la serie: Heroes. Mi poder sera cumplir mi palabra interna! If I had that super power I could do, pretty much anything!!! The good news is that I can build that. No tengo q esperarme a que Dr. Suresh me la inyecte! Well thats whats on my mind this 1.1.11 morning!

Have a good one everybody!!!

(esta forto me la tome el 1.1.10 en Nueva Zelanda con mi mama)

Much much love and dancing this New Year!

Y como diria un amigo mio: Arrrrrreeeeeee!!!!

Mi Himno

2010-12-31T19:20:00.000-08:00

Michael Jordan "Failure" Nike Commercial

Favorite love song 2010

2010-12-31T19:18:00.000-08:00

The Ballad Of You and I - Live in Fullerton, OC (Featured in the Biggest... one of my favorite love songs of 2010... every time I heard it I couldnt help falling in love with whatever was going around me! xoxoxox

One of my favorite songs and videos

2010-12-31T19:03:00.000-08:00

Mayer Hawthorne - Your Easy Lovin' Ain't Pleasin' Nothin'

One of my favorite songs and videos of the 2010!!!

so upbeat and happy and flirty... like me!! ja!!!

thoughts

2010-12-31T18:59:00.000-08:00

Esto del blog esta divertido, es como un journal personal online. Siempre disponible para poderte desahogar. Como que se siente que alguien t escucha y que some one cares....even if nobody does.
Happy new year to me and everybody I love and everybody I dont love!!!

Una foto mia con Andreina, una de mis mejores amigas. Ese dia me acaban de mandar a volar un ninio al que queria mucho y estar con mis amigas siempre hace todo mas llevadero!!!
Love u honey!!!

What I wish for ...

2010-12-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

Hey gang!!!

So this blog is gonna be in english.. so ALL my english speaking family can understand and be a part of this.
I just wanted to share what I wish for for this 2011... dont want to make it too poetic... not that I have that ability, but I just want to share.

These are the things I wish for:

1. A plane ticket to Vancouver to visit my Canadian Family, Olivia, Rebecca, Mark H., Mark V., Sara E. Kristin K., Zen, Robert :) This is dedicated especially to my friend Olivia!!!
2. A plane ticket to go see Christian Quiniones in Puerto Rico. I love u babe!! And even all this time has gone by without seeing u, I keep u in my heart!!
3. A plane ticket to go see Alex N. hate to admit it, but I miss u! Hope u r well!
4. A plane ticket to go see my cousin Carla in Costa Rica. I love u!!
5. A plane ticket to go see my Albany Family. I dont even know were to begin with you guys... Michelita, Ben, P, Dany, Farouk, Nicky, Fluffy, Mony: You have trully saved my life and I love all of u for that.

6. A plane ticket to see my NYC family: Sara, Polito, Ely miss u like crazy!!
7. A plane ticket to go see Rodrigo in Madrid. My brother! I cant belive I couldn't make it to your wedding. Gonna be hard to forgive me for that.
8. A plane ticket to go to Monterrey and Guadalajara every time I want to see Jack, Muneco, Jimena, Melissa, Omar, los quiero familia!!!
9. I wish for people stop being violent with themselves and those around them.
10. I wish for for people to start thinking in the effects have. Of what they do and what they dont do.
11. I wish for my soul to be able to forgive myself for pushing important people out of my life. Emi K.,
David, Becky, my familia, I miss u and I am sorry!
12. I wish all men find compassion to understand women.
13. I wish women to find the strength to live up to our potential.
14. I wish to understand that I don't need a man to save me.
15. I wish to fill my life with love for myself.
16. I wish health and money for me and my mother.
17. I wish a lot of joy to the Gurrea family.
18. I wish health and abundance for the Hidalgo family.
19. I wish more wisdom for myself.
20. I wish u all a lot of what ever you want.
21. I wish I can hike more, dance more, run more, and laugh much more.
22. I wish I can build stronger and more honest relationships with my mentors Michel, Emiliano and Alex.

I think for now its all!!!
Hope your 2011 is full of adversity and reality!!!
xoxoxox

la duda de hoy... boys!

2010-12-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

Como le hago cuando quiero pasar tiempo con un niño q no se si me gusta, pero se me hace q tiene potencial?

Pero he hasn't reached out al 100%, pero si un poco?

El miedo: seguro me lo estoy inventando.... Uff q complicado es ser yo!

Si si, que lanzada, si no, que apretada...

Si si quiero andar: eso me hace ser una intensa??

Tengo esta regla de que si un niño quiere pasar tiempo contigo, hara lo imposible por estar contigo; movera cielo, mar y tierra.

But on the other hand, tambien se ponen nerviosos y le temen al rechazo, tons les quiero dar un empujoncito.

Niñas: Eso no es lo mas popular... ever!!

Si algo he aprendidno en este año, esq con relaciones no hay reglas. Cada situacion se cuece aparte... hense the confusion!

Pero la verdad is tengo un poco de intesna en mi, but thats my charm... aah no? O esta mal? Como pueden ver... I can get all weird.

Pero tambien he aprendido q eso me pasa por no ser honesta. O no saber que hacer con las dudas que tengo en mi cabeza.

Any way, just felt like sharing my confusion….